The Classic Crime - "The Way That You Are”
My dear Torren-
When you were real young and an adult mocked you for picking up your mom's purse off the ground, putting it on your shoulder and carrying it in the house for her…
Don't let them say…
When a friend goes into your younger sister's room and starts savagely beating up her dolls and you feel guilty for feeling bad and not wanting to participate…
Don't let them say…
When you are young and are torn between wanting to grow up and be just like your dad and your mom…
Don't let them say…
When you are 6 and sneak into your parents room when they are in the basement because you are curious what it’s like to wear tights or break into your mom's makeup because lipstick seems fun…
Don't let them say…
When those boys in your class form a ring around you laughing and you feel ashamed for not feeling like you fit in with them…
Don't let them say…
When you hit puberty and are quite confused by your attraction to the girls around you and your envy to be them…
Don't let them say…
When the cute girl sitting next to you in your 8th grade science class mockingly asks if you’re gay because you care about other things than flirting with her…
Don't let them say…
When no one understands why you're just not comfortable, despite your love for the sport, playing on the football team and changing in the locker room…
Don't let them say…
When you just want to be yourself, take no shit, but just don't feel like you fit in with the typical teenage guys…
Don't let them say…
When your school does a cross-dressing day and you desperately want to participate but are way too scared someone will find out your secret…
Don't let them say…
The first time you work up the courage to put on your mom's clothes and feal like a total freak afterwards…
Don't let them say…
The first time your parents catch you…
Don't let them say…
When you get ready to leave for college and secretly hope you'll work up the courage to come out and transition…
Don't let them say…
When you are a junior in college and have a near mental breakdown and come within days of coming out but then fall asleep at the wheel driving to Ohio and it scares you shitless and back in your hole…
Don't let them say…
When you move to SE Asia as a missionary at 23 and start finally becoming secure in who you are, especially your manhood…
Don't let them say…
When you start falling for the love of your life and despite no longer struggling with gender it still haunts the back of your mind…
Don't let them say…
When your abusive boss won't “allow” you to date your future wife and you are afraid it's because of your secret…
Don't let them say…
When you wake up in a cold sweat from a dream that you had become a woman, scared shitless because you hadn't wanted that in almost a year…
Don't let them say…
When you go to your boss and tell him you’re struggling (but refuse to say why) and he blames your relationship with your future wife…
Don't let them say…
When he tells you that you are a detriment to the advancement of the Kingdom of God in SE Asia…
Don't let them say…
When he says people who don't take his advice see their lives spin out of control…
Don't let them say…
When he says you are the reason he's been a bad father and husband…
Don't let them say…
When you get fired and church leaders back home simply ask where your sin is and why everyone else can see it but you…
Don't let them say…
When after all this you tell your future wife your secret, propose to your her, prep to get married, and can't find a job…
Don't let them say…
After things finally start settling down but you realize your faith and purpose is no longer as strong as it was…
Don't let them say…
When you cause a car crash that you somehow miraculously managed not to kill a 6 year old…
Don't let them say…
When you've lost your faith in God and that brush with mortality causes your questions about gender to come roaring back…
Don't let them say…
When your wife leaves because you're spiraling and you've crushed her in the process…
Don't let them say…
When all the trans people online look so happy and say it will only get worse until you take the jump…
Don't let them say…
When it seems the only way out is torturous suffering or transition…
Don't let them say…
When they say there are no other options…
Don't let them say…
When they say estrogen will make you feel wonderful and your body will finally be one with your mind…
Don't let them say…
When you start taking those shots and it feels as amazing as they say and everyone applauds you for living your truth…
Don't let them say…
When you wake up in a cold sweat scared shitless because in that dream you saw everything you truly wanted but sacrificed for a lie…
Don't let them say…
Remember. You are perfectly and wonderfully made. You love being the man that you are. You love your masculinity. You love your femininity. Deep down you always knew this. It was coming alive in SE Asia but the abuse crushed it. You as Torren have far more love to offer this world than Audrey who was just desperately seeking relief from pain. There's more glory to be seen and savored through suffering than self serving escape. One day, you'll find all the answers you were looking for. You'll find you had what you needed all along. There is a third way. Dysphoria can be conquered without drugs and name changes. You made dumb, bad decisions and hurt many in the process. But the choice of where you go from here is yours. And the future is full of hope.
You were always whole. Just because some things were uncomfortable, lonely, abusive, or odd…
Don't let them say, “This is the way that you are.”
He gets his information from overhearing conversations
He doesn't ask questions, doesn't learn many lessons
And he keeps his mouth shut until it boils over and he blows up
And then he can't form his words right, and they don't fit together so tight
And I hope to God that he will find his name,
And not listen to his so-called friends when they boldly say,
"This is the way that you are, " don't let them say,
"This is the way that you are."
She doesn't have much to say about yesterday, or what happened to her when she was eight
So she drinks a lot and it makes her feel OK for the moment, but it's gone when she awakes
So don't give yourself away,
And don't listen to them when they say
"This is the way that you are, " don't let them say,
"This is the way that you are."
"This is the way that you are, " don't let them say,
"This is the way that you are."
-The Classic Crime